Well I avoided posting all of this...

But I just need to get it out, I just need to get it off my mind. It is going to be long, so read away or just skip it I dont care.

Justin and I are having issues again. It started last weekend when we decieded to go up north. We both had been running around trying to get ready to leave. WE were going to get the car all packed up the night before so we could just head out of town first thing in the morning. I hadn't planned on leaving town and there was alot still left to do. He had a friend that needed help moving, which was fine. But then he calls wanting to go hang out with the guys after the moving. I said no, I told him why and he was mad. Oh well. So he stays out helping his friend move untill 11:30, which leaves me up untill that time finishing all of the stuff we are suppose to do together. Then he wondered why I was so mad when he got home, humm shouldn't be hard to figure out. Plus when I called to ask when he would be home he hung up on me. I didn't yell at him or anything I was just wondering when he'd be home and he hangs up and doesn't answer the phone the rest of the night.

Then we had Heather and Brandon over for FHE on monday night to carve pumpkins. I ran around all day and got home a hour before they came. I still hadn't unpacked all the way from SLC and the house was a mess. So I ran around like crazy getting it clean and getting the kids dressed so that they looked good in the picutres of carving pumkins (yes the important stuff) We hadn't had dinner yet, we had a late luch the kids were fine, I figured we would eat after they left. Well the men deceide they were hungry and so we started talking about what to do, I wanted to do pizza, they wanted to go a dell taco which is 5 mins away from our house. I didn't want dell taco but I settled and I asked them to get me fries and a soft taco. So they went, I should have know better. They took 45 mins, by the time they got back we didn't have time to carve pumpkins. They had decided to go into town instead and grab food some other place, but didn't bother to call and say hey do you want a salad from here instead? No they are in the own little selfish world, they take care of themsleve and dont even think about everyone else waiting at home. So they get home and all Justin got for me was fries. I was pissed. I dont have another free night to carve the pumpkins with my kids, that night was it. There again his friend is taking priority over me and the kids.

After they left we started fighting agian, I tried to stay calm but it quickly turned into us screaming at each other, then Justin started throwing fries at my face, he did it over and over and over as I was trying to talk finally I lost it and I threw a bottle of gatoraid at him grabbed my keys and left. WHY AM I MARRIED TO THIS PERSON???? Can someone please explain to me why a 30 yr old man thinks it is ok to throw food at a person? I hate him. I am tired of this bull shit. I want to have a civil converation without him trying to ruin it. Is that too much to ask?

We have had lots of issues with his friends I can't stand them. Lately I have thought alot about why I dont like them and I have come to the conclusion that it is because I have to compete with them! When he calls Justin will drop everything...everything to go do what he wants. Taking the kids for a hour during a photoshoot takes up tooo much time but he can golf for over 4 hours with his buddies at the drop of a hat. He can't stay up, talk and work out problems in our marriage but he can stay up and play video games till 3 in the morning easily. I shouldnt have to complete with them, I should matter more then they do. I do want him to have fun with his friends, I do want him to have a break from all of his stress BUT I need time with him too. We need to be working on our marriage. I feel it detererating again, I know what this leads to and I dont want to be there again. I tired of it all, I am tired of fighting for attention.