I have so much to say to you, so much I want to tell you. I honestly don't want to make things harder for. I have done enough damage in your life, and I will always hate myself for it. I just need you to know somethings. I need to be able to free my mind of all of these thoughts. If not I am going to loose it, and you know that is not a pretty site. I want to thank you for having the courage to tell her. Just getting all of this out in the open has helped me so much, It is weird to feel at peace about it all. I guess I feel that this was all suppose to happen. Justin and I were over, we honestly were. There was nothing left in our relationship. He had quit trying four years ago, and I had finally given up. You did nothing to our family, I
don't want you to ever feel like you destroyed anything of mine. The
only pain I feel is about you.
I feel so lost without you. I know what I should be doing, but I can't bring myself to do it. How did I let you get into my heart. I keep it protected, Ive kept it lock up for so long. I
don't want to hurt this much, I
don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. You are the first person that has ever understood me, the first person that has looked into my soul and loved every single part of it. You are the only one that I have
truly loved. How can I go on without you? How can I stay in my marriage? I have nothing left. I gave you everything I had left in my heart, I have nothing else to give. I am empty, broken, lost completely lost without you. You are my everything, you are who I need. You are who I want, I will never be able to forget you. My feelings for you will never go away, NEVER. How am I going to do this. I can't do this, I know I can't. I can't live without you. I need to know you are there, I need something from you but I know you probable
don't have anything else to give. I know you need to focus on your life and forget about me. I want to be able to know that you are
OK, if there is a way to do that I am open to anything. I
don't want to drag you under
again. I will never forgive myself for what I have done to you. What I"ve done to her. What I have done to your beautiful kids, the kids that I have loved so much. How could I? I had no right, no right at all. You are not mine to take.
Everyone keeps telling me that I am just addicted to the feelings I had with you, that you really don't love me, that it was all a game. I
don't believe that for a second. I know what is real, I know what it feels like to be loved and I know I love you. I honestly feel that there is a reason for all of this, I know that you needed to repair and talk with your mom. I feel that I will heal things in my own life also. BUT above all I believe that we are
meant for each other. I believe that God lead us to each other, I was
meant to be with you, I was
meant to fall in love with you. I cant help but believe that we are
meant to be together. What we have is real, it is the most real thing I have ever felt. I will not let you go. But I am going to have to step back, I am going to give you the space you need to repair the damage.
I can't handle this, I know you are going threw hell. She is putting you threw hell. You
don't deserve that. You deserve love, and forgiveness. You needed to be loved. How can she live with the fact that we will always love each other? Why can't she just let go, why does she have to hurt you more? That is not love, it's not. She has every right to be angry, but what good does the threats do? We needed each other, I will always need you. You will always be the only person that understands me. You are a
wonderful person, you have so much going for you. You deserve so much more then you think you do. I will always love your "dark side" as much as I love your good side.
Thank you for showing me that I was worth love, that I was perfect for someone. Thank you for all that you have done for me and how I have felt about myself. Thank you for making me feel like I belonged somewhere. I wont regret you.
I respect you for your choice to try again in your marriage. It proves to me again what a good person you are. I want you to be happy, and I wish I could say that I want you to be happy even if that doesn't include me but you know who I feel about that. I know how happy we could be together, I know we would face problems so well together. I would never cheat on you. No, life would not be perfect, we would have struggles and problems but I know we would make it threw anything. I know I will love you the rest of my life, I will be here. I am waiting for you, I know I
shouldn't but I am and I always will be. I can't give my heart to anyone else, you will forever have it. I have to except that that "us" that I like to think about could all just be a dream never be a reality.
You are not mine and from the sounds of it you will never been mine. It sounds like you will work it all out with her. I respect that, I really do. She came back to yell at me
again today. She threatened me, she said that if I ever contacted you that she would drag my business threw the dirt. That she would call every single client and tell them what a whore I am. She said she that she would do everything in her power to destroy me, for the rest of my life. She said she would never forgive me, that she never wants to see my face again. She said that you loved her and that you are staying with her. I hope that most of her anger is taken out on me. I deserve it, look what I did to your family. I am so sorry, I should have been the one to stop things. I shouldn't have let you do this to your life. I hope that she can forgive you and I hope that you can forgive yourself. We made a bad choice that is it, you are not a horrible person, you are not sick and wrong. You needed to feel love just as much as I did.
Please try as hard as you can with her. Please
don't worry about me, I have picked up the
pieces so many times in my life I surely can do it again. I will be
OK. I will find my way
again, I always do.
You were just the perfect person at the wrongest possible time.
