I have had a emotional week

I am exhausted! It was one of those emotional rollercoaster weeks. Alot going on alot to deal with.

It started with a court hearing for my EX-step Dad. He has been in prison for 6 years. He is there for molesting boys. His term is 6yrs - Life for 4 counts of molestation. The hearing was harder then I expected. All of his family was there. We had to walk past them and feel their eyes stare us down. They all went up to Ashlie and hugged her, she was a wreck. She bawled and bawled. She hasn't had a chance to deal with what happened, to make since of it all. It was really hard for her. The hardest part the whole thing was seeing him. He looked sick. I didn't even recongnize him. It was like you could see his soul. Prison has made him face his demons. I could see that. That was sad, I felt bad for him. I don't know if that is something I should feel bad about but I do. The two interesting details that came out in the hearing was that he was molested as a child by his older brother. The brother that was a stake pres. The brother that covered for him, that lied for him, hid him from the police and that gave him a temple recommend after he was put in prison. I could never make sense of that, I always wondered if his brother had any kind of a soul. How could he lie like that to everyone around him and then judge other people as the stake pres? But now it makes sence. I am sure the brother feels like he is to blame for why my ex Step Dad is the way he is. The other thing that happened was That he ADMITTED to molesting more then what he was charged for. There are 17 reported cases in his file, he was charged for 2 boys, 2 counts each and the police there are 60+ victims. He said there were 25 victims. That admitance was huge. We won't find out for weeks weither or not he gets out but I feel better about it now. I dont think anyone in their right mind would let him out yet, but you never know. We will just hope that he will stay and get the help he needs in prison.

We also have been looking for a house and house stuff never goes smoothly! This week has been crazy that way. We actually put in a offer for a home in our neighboorhood. We weren't too crazy about the house, we didn't want to stay in the neighboorhood and we wanted a bigger yard but it was a good deal so we jumped on it. We the owner didn't go over her numbers before she listed it and after our offer came in and she excepted it she realized she would have to pay us to own it. She didn't like that and she tried to back out. Which was fine with us, we started to look for something else and found a house that was just put up for rent. We loved it! It is in the feilds, it sits on a half acre. It got alot of space, and nice finish work! We filled out a rental app and talked about doing a option to buy. We also talked about Justin finishing the backyard. They were all excited about it and we are filling out our lease agreement on Monday. We will be able to move in on the first of the month!!! SO exciting!

In between all of that I have had photoshoots and I am trying to get that new site up and running. It is taking time but I think it looks really good! I can't wait for it to all work! The flyers are done also and they look soooo goood! I will have to post them later but they look great! I have alot of pictures to post hopefully I can get them up before I go up north. Oh yeah I will be gone Thurs -Thurs next week. I have a photoshoot up north and then I am going to a friends for a day or two then off to my dads. I wonder if Justin will get any packing done while I am gone...

As always

So much going on. So much to type. I have alot of business stuff I am doing. I have been working with a grafic designer to finalize my flyers for the drs. office! Soo much time but I can't wait to post them...they are soo cute! My friend Brooke is helping me with them...if you need any work done you must call her she is great to work with and she is priced great! I also am working on my website, it is such a task but I can't wait to get it up...if only I could understand all the domain name, web hosting stuff. I know i am making it harder then it is but I struggle with all the techno details!!!! It will be a whole new site, and I am hoping to have a place for customers to log in to veiw and order picture all on-line. It is still in the works but it another fun thing yet to come in my business! New business cards and referal cards are ordered and should be here soon! Here is a preveiw...

The Pages...

I started some of these last month but didn't offically finish them untill suday. My favorite ones are the top two. I got so much done I have to order more pictures, love that feeling! I will be doing my Hawaii pics next time!

Some of Amber

Just some of my sweet friend Amber and her family. I love the shot of the hair pulling cracks me up!

the conversation

Just wanted to fill you in on the conversation I had with my hubby today. It is nothing serious, it is quite funny actually.

J...."So what are your plans today?"
K..."I need to go to costco and pay some bills. OH and I am going to buy a lens for my camera."
J"You are not."
K Yes I am. I had cash in hand 3 weeks ago to buy the lens, BUT I helped with the bills and bought you a fathers day present. A fathers day present that wasn't good enough." (he bought himself an extra present...new golf clubs and hid them in the garage.) yep not cool!
J "It is not like you haven't ever done that! and besides if you wouldn't freak out about money, i wouldn't have to hide them"
K "well if you wouldn't control the money, nether would I"
J "Well we are even"
K "We will be when I get me lens"

AND I went and bought the lens :)

Canon 85 mm F 1.4 I can't wait to play!

Heres is a link to the lens, I didn't buy it from here, it gives you an idea of what I got.

http://cgi.ebay.com/Canon-EF-85mm-f-1-8-USM-Lens-Package-NEW-USA_W0QQitemZ220003415810QQihZ012QQcategoryZ4687QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

I am feeling the itch

the itch to scrapbook. I haven't sat down and scrapped for months, in fact the last scrap session I did was back when I lost that contest. Remember the contest for that brown and pink bag? I need to get moving on some pages, it is not like I dont have pictures, I have just lacked the energy and time to sit and scrap for days on end...I am caught up on work and my house is almost clean so I am thinking that tomarrow I will sit down and scrap put some fabulous pages! Coming SOON!

Is it just me?

Or does she just look so much more grown up now that she is three? I sware she has matured alot. She has been telling me stories with one hand on her hip and one finger pointed directly at me. It is almost like a "listen hear Mom" attitude she does. I love it!

Back from the trip

yuck. that all it was. yuck. no good news typing here. it was a fighting trip. it was not fun. I don't like my husband right now. I am onry at everyone. if you want to stop reading feel free, I am going to vent some.

I guess it started out bad, I had full intentions of going to the reception, that was until I found out it was at 2:30. There was no way that was going to work. Justin had to finish up jobs and we didn't leave till 5:00, no chance to visit friends, just driving till 11:00. I was not happy, but still ok with it all. I understand he had to finish stuff.

We see my Dad and Sister on Sunday, go to lunch, spend time with the kids and him. Go to the little pathetic park/zoo in Logan and Drive home. Not much to tell here. I always love seeing my Dad and Sister.

Then it was off to Mnt Timpanogas for the family reunion, Justin got up and went golfing with my step dad. I wanted to get going right after he came home. After all, why come up and not be around to spend the time with HIS family;y? He wanted to nap and it all started there. We bickered while I packed the entire truck up while he sat and watched TV. I asked several times for help but once he knows I am bothered he likes to play a little game of ...What else can I do, to piss her off? I tried really hard to not get wrapped up in it and thought how pathetic it is that I he stills taunts people like this, he is almost 30, will he ever grow up? I also want to go into Tai Pan for some decor stuff, So I tried to hold in my emotion so that I could still get what I wanted! (I know ,I know don't judge me) Tai Pan didn't go over so well with Justin. He bitched and moaned about going the whole time, and I walked off to shop with our him. Turned out to be a much better choice. I scored some awesome vintage airplanes for Kase's room. I love them! They are perfect. So we finally arrive at camp, get things ready and have an ok night.

The next day we got up at the butt crack of dawn to hike to the cave. We took the kids, Macie got a free ride on Dads back and Kase had to walk. He dramatically collapsed every once in a while because he was soooooo tired! The cave was fascinating, well worth the hike. Back at camp it started raining. Justin and his ego refused to put a tarp over the tent or bag up our blankets. I didn't have the energy to fight him and we got soaked. The remainder of the day we fought about weather or not we were sleeping in the tent. He wanted to still feel like he made the best decision. I was furious, it is one thing to want to protect your ego, but to want to make your own kids suffer because of it by sleep in under soaked blankets...Not cool. Now I am sure this could have easily been solved, but he walked away from me and that was it. I didn't speak to him the rest of the night. I packed the kids' things and prepare to sleep in the truck. We ended up in bunk beds at the lodge and he slept alone with the "not wet" blankets.

So I am not happy at him, I think that other unsolved issues come back up on the table when we fight like this and now it feels like a huge unsolvable mess. I feel a lot of resentment over the not getting pregnant issue. He brings up crap about it being my fault we aren't going to try to have kids, I am a "mess." I guess I am, I think you would too if you felt like your world was turned upside down. That all the progress you had made wasn't good enough. To have everything you thought your life was going to be, not be. I hate feeling like nothing has changed. I don't want it to be this way, I want to be able to prove to all the people who said this marriage wasn't going to last wrong. It hurts to know that there where very few people in support of us. But what bothers me the most is, why can't I make this right?

I am unable to bury my emotions, I guess you could say I wear my heart on my sleeve. I cry a lot, I cried watching that Cars movie that just came out, got made fun of because of it. I can't control it. It is a huge strength and weakness all wrapped into one. At times I hate it, I am embarrassed by it. Other times I embrace it. This trip made me hate it. I got all upset. Everyone knew it, everyone got involved. eeeerrrr. It was just yuck. yuck. yuck. yuck.