The Peace Offering... I got bought Off!

Justin left last night and came back with this....

as his peace offering and to say sorry for being so mean. I guess he ended up not getting the Parade of Homes job because of licensing issues. He is really upset and I dont blame him! I feel bad I wasn't more understanding toward him. BUT It feels good to work through things and to understand the meaning behind his moods sometimes. I am just feeling so bad for him right now!

Nutcracker!

My little Ballerina! She was so exctied to meet the dancers. She wore her tutu all day long! Oh it was so fun seeing her light up around the pretty dancers and to have them all gawk at how cute she was!

My body Finally Gave into the Sickness...

After a week and a half of nursing my sick kiddos. I finally got the cold. I am so irriatated right now because no one seems to care that I am really sick! I didn't move off of the sofa yesterday, i had a horrible fever ...T BUT this has been the fisrt time I have really enjoyed our sectional. It is soooooo comfy. Anyway...today I passed out in the shower, completely blackout. It really freaked me out. I felt like I had just had a baby, my body aches and i am really weak. To top this all off Justin is working really hard to get ready for Christmas. He has got jobs to finish before we leave to go snowmobiling. So he is tired and irritable. Which I think it totally rude. He is never compassionate when I am ill. "You are just being a baby" he tells me. He gets upset that he has to fix dinner...or go get dinner is more like it. Like it is THAT inconvenient to stop at McD's on his way home. SO today he comes home with no food, he is pissy and being SO pleasent! I get yelled at for not fixing dinner and he stomps off (like a 2 yr old) to go buy HIMSELF food. What a selfish ****** I am not ammused by his immmaturatity. What pisses me off more is that I dont even have the energy to fight back so he just picks on me calling me names and I just lay there listening to his crap! I am so not in the mood for this, cant he just be nice I am sick and it is Christmas!

Taken by Kase

Christmas PJ's

This is the song I sang to Justin after I finished the PJ's..."I am a seeeeewer, I sewed these PJ's. I am like your moooother! You gotta love me!"

Yes I am very proud of these for one single reason...I made them!

"I don't like Santa!"

I am losing my mind...

I walked out of the Scrapbooking store with this little puppy. Walked all the way to my car and drove home. I carried it into the house before I realize what I had done!!!! So now it sits in my room on the floor because I am too ashamed to take it back and i feel too guilty to throw it away! What a nut I am :)!

"We can be together forever someday"

Yes that song is in my head. We just got back from the Forgotten Carols. Of course it was perfect, I bawled from begining to end. But as I was enjoying Micheal McLean, I thought back to last year. Last year this time, we went. Last year this time I was telling God I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't be married to a man that didn't care. Last year I was praying for a change in him. THIS year, I see the change. I see a big change in but not just in him in US. That makes me so happy! Beyond Happy! Love my Hubby!

My weight this morning...

171!!!

Well I forgot that i need to weigh myself in the morning...I was 4 lbs lighter this morning! WOOHOOO! Makes me feel skinny! I have really sore muscle today but I worked out anyway, it felt sooo good! Then I mopped my floor, ooooo i feel even better!!! Kids are down for their naps...Kase is sick today and I am going to fold laundry. Yes I have a very eventfull day planned!

Justin and I are going on a date tonigh to Micheal McLeans Forgotten Carols...I am sooo excited!

Sick Bubba

Kase is Sick today. It started last night with a fever of 102! It has gone down but he is still not feeling good today. He asked me this morning if I could do him a favor...I said yes...he said will you sing me a song? Awww sweet little sick kid! Pray for him to get better!

I wondering if I am setting the kids up...

to be Molested. Now let me explain myself...

We are a very open family. We have always been comfortable being naked around the kids. We shower, we dress, we go the bathroom around them. I always wanted it to be that way, becuase being naked or talking about being naked or anything remotely to do with sex was so tabu in my house. I was 13 and still didn't know that my parents had sex...13 yrs and I had no clue! I feel like that got me into alot of trouble, I learned from other people. It was never explained to me other then IT IS BAD! I didn't want my kids feeling that way, and I didn't want them ever feeling like they couldn't ask me about certain personal things. I want to be able to talk to them about it, I want it to be no big deal.

Because we are so open about being naked, will they be comfortable being naked other places. Will that set them up to be molested. How do I talk to them about it being an "only at home thing" with out scaring them? I talked to Kase about strangers once and it freaked him out. He wouldn't even look at people at walmart because "they could steal him" I guess I dont know the words to say or how to say it.
I guess because of the things that happen in our family I am soo concerned that that evil will get us. I want to prevent it, I want to be aware of it. I just hope that I am not the one that starts it by us being too open.

I am being brave...

I started my new years resolution early this year...I MUST lose weight! I need to be treating myslef better. For me, the reason I am gain weight is I eat when I am insecure. I even think in my head these terrible little thoughts about how "I am going to get fat and Justin will leave me or cheat on me" I also crave sugar, I love cheesecake and oreo cookies. Ummm that just makes me hungry!

Well I have started exercising agian, right now I am doing Yoga and crunches 3 times a week. I will bumbed it up when I am ready. I have a gym membership so I will go to that also. (Do some weightlifting and Cardio)

The other big step is my eating. I decided to cut sugar out of my diet and white bread. Ahhhh! right now this part is killing me! I need to go get some no sugar snacks until my body refigures and is ok without the sugar. Oh man I miss it already!

I must stay strong...I must ! Sugar is fat, sugar is EVIL!

To start off my Journey I am going to post my weight and picture of myself...um I think at least!

So here goes!
Day 1 weight 175

(these are actually picture for a Scrap pg...the title will be battle scars, since I have a ton of stretch marks left over from my babies!

My Recent Artwork

I was too lazy to scan them in...so heres pics. Oh course they look better IRL!

WHOA!

I need to slow down, embrace the spirit of Christmas! I am doing too much, I am overdoing it. That is what I do best, overcommit myself! On my T0-DO list this week...
3 photoshoots, all of which need to be edited
5 Gingerbread houses to make, for out gingerbread party
Christmas cards to mail out
A house that needs a major cleaning
Scrapbook Pages...I need to get them done because they are all over my house!!!

Now that I have it all down it doesn't look like alot BUT there is all the other Housewife and Mommy stuff that has to take priority. So I am tring to squeaze as much as I can in while kids are napping or at night when everyone is sleeping!

So I am just trying to tell myself...SLOW DOWN!

New Decor

Justin has been busy making me all sorts of things for my house. I love that he is handy and creative. We make quite the pair, I dream up something he figures out how to make it for me! Oh how I love that man!

NOTE: Blogger wont let me upload photos tonight...i will have to try back tommarrow

New Header

Yep felt like it was time for a change. This picture was taken by my SIL, while we were in California. I love it, i have already had one printed and placed in a frame. It is rare when we can get a good photo of us together!

Saying Good Bye To My Girls

I taught my last lesson today in YW. It was an emotional lesson. I originally had planned on writing each girl a letter giving them each my last little words. But when the time came to finalize my lesson I couldn't remember what I was going to say to them all. At the end of the lesson I ended up telling each girl what they had taught me and what I hope the learned from me. I feel so close to my girls, personally I feel connected to them. I have shared so many personal stories from my life. My struggles, my weeknesses, my soul. I hope that they have learned something from me, I hope that I have been able to teach them SOMETHING. I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to be with these amazing girls. I can't begin to explain the growth I have had from this calling.

Just one...

Story from sea world! We had a rocky start today, Kids are already pissy. Justin and I are not wanting to be around each other and to top it off we have to fight people through lines at sea world. Great day!

Well we wait 1 hour to get into Shamu and we get great seats. Right in the splash zone...front and center. Kase comments on how he needs to go pee, he can hold it. 5 sec later he is wiggling and screaming. "I have to go PEEEEEEEE." No you don't! Well after a couple of mins of whinning, we both realize that he really has to go. By this time it is too late, if Justin takes him out he is going to miss the show. So Justin says...

"Kase just pee," "he is just going to get wet anyway!"

Yep you know the rest...he pees in his pants. Oh but it gets better, at lunch he jumps up and pees agian. Poor kid thinks that it is ok to pee in his pants, it couldnt get any better!!

Day 3

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yep we spent Thanksgiving in Disneyland. It was sooooo busy, there where people everywhere! But my SIL took the kids for 4 hours and let Justin and I go on some rides together. What a brave soul, the last day of disneyland with kids that hadn't napped or sleep nearly long enough. They were terrible for her and I am so thankful that she had them. Our favorite ride we went on was Indiana Jones...ohh I loved it. The line was hours and hours long...good thing we got fast passes!

We actully had turkey dinner at the park, they had turkey legs there! Yep turkey dinner in the park, it was great!!! We watched the fireworks and ate our dinner.

Disneyland was all and more then I had expected. The feeling there is amazing. Watching the kids met their heros was priceless. I am so glad we were able to take this trip as a family. This will be unforgetable.

Day 2

We went to the Character Breakfast first thing. The kids LOVED it! The first person that came to our table was Captin Hook and Kase was terrified of him. But he quickly understood that Hook was nice and wasnt going to get mad or anything. It took Macie a while to warm up to the Characters, but when Minnie Mouse came she jumped down and hugged her! Right after breakfast we went over to storytime, We heard Belle and Cinderella's stories. This was my favorite part of Disneyland. We were all swept away by the stories. Cinderella said that Macie looked just like one of her little sisiters and that she was beautiful. She was so gracefull and elegant, Kase was IN LOVE!

We went on a couple rides, small world was one of them.

Then it was off to Fronterland we waited forever (seriously hours) to meet Woody but it was well worth it! When Kase met him the first thing that he did was grap Kase's Woody doll. He danced around with it and then stuck it in his gun holster. Kase Loved that! We all were laughing. How can we bet this experience? It was so great for the kids!


Characters met...Captin Hook, Tigger, Pooh, Minnie Mouse, Jessie, Woody, Cinderella, Belle, Dale, Alice in Wonderland, Mat Hatter

Day 1

9:00 AM we are at the Disneyland gates. Justin and I are not getting along at all...surprize, surprize. Vacations always do this to us, I was hoping that it wouldn't be like this but this is us. We fight. But I am proud of myself, I calm down and brush it off and we have a great day.

The first ride we went on was the Tea Cups, then Pinocchio (sp) and then the Buzz ride. Kase got to met Buzz and he LOVED it! We spent most of the day on rides or in line to ride rides. Then at 5:00 we went to the Block Party which was the highlight of the day. Woody jumped down and pointed directly at Kase, it was perfect! AL he could talk about was how Woody knew him, that is why he pointed at him! So cute!

Characters met today...Buzz, Peter Pan, Wendy, Tinkerbell, Mickey Mouse, and Goofy.

My last Entry

...before we leave for Disneyland! Yes it is 2:00 am and I am still up. I can't sleep. I seriously am sooo dang excited!

Well today was as expected...CRAZY! Justin left at 5:30 this morning to drive to SLC to take a test for his business. We got up early and tried to get as much as we could accompilshed before Kase's last Soccer game. We also went and picked up the Mini-Van that we are driving to California. Then we went to the soccer game...oops! I thought it was at 11:15 but it was at 10:30...we missed his last game! Crap I felt so bad! Then I called my family and had them pray for Justin, which helped because he passed it...just barely! If he would missed one question he would have failed it! woohoo! Then rest of the day was packing and cleaning, untill Kase woke up from his nap with an ear ache and blood coming out of his ear. Great! We go to instacare and sit for 2 hrs to have the Dr. say it is just a little scratch and wrote us a perscription. I am glad nothing too tragic was going on, I would hate for him to be sick while we are gone! We got home at 8:30, kids bathed, and in bed and I (yes just I) finished up the packing , cleaning and I started our Christmas cards and I made Macie Necklesses to match every outfit she has for the trip. Yeah I have too much time on my hands! I can go into the excusses as to why I am doing all the unnessisary things at 2 am but I wont! Besides then I would have to justify why I typing on this blog at 2 am!! I think that I am finally starting to wear down and get tired so I must go to bed, we have a long day ahead of us! No we have a LONG(packed) WEEK! Later!!!!

Woooooo!

I am pooped! I have been running around like crazy the last few days, we are trying to get ready for Disnetland...we have 2 more days before we leave!!!!! I am trying to get bags packed early so I feel more prepared and not so rushed. I am also trying to get my house ready , my Mom will be staying in our house while we are gone and i want it to be perfect!!! I want to finished the projects and all this stuff that I keep making! I am in the middle of painting magnet boards and frames for christmas and for our house and I am painting Macies bed. I think that this will be the last coat and her bed can go up tomarrow...thank godness!!

I have some last minute photography things to do, pictures to order before I leave and I am soooo tired! I feel like I am 12 and it is Christmas. I cant sleep, I think and talk about Disneyland. This all so exciting!!! I cant wait to see the kids met thier Heros. I cant wait to soak up the feeling of disneyland!!! I am going to have to bring tissues because I know I will be so excited, I will start bawling. LOL!!!



I also made myself sit down and scrap this week, this is the first page I have done in months. I just ordered pictures so I can start it up agian...I am hoping I will have a scrap table before Christmas...:) We will see!

Sometimes I wonder

I wonder why some people struggle to have children and why others don't. It seems that most of the people I know that have a hard time having babies are the best moms, and that some of the ones that have them easily are not. I feel like this more when I look at myself. I have two dear friends who have struggled for sometime to get pregnant, I have watched them with their kid(s) that they do have and I think..."It is not fair, why do they have to struggle, they are excellence parents." You can see that they deserve to have more kids. "and why do I have mine, they are much better moms then me." I don't deserve the kids I have.

So why? Why was I blessed and they are not? I am not saying that I abuse my children or anything. I just could be better, better then I am and I feel guilty that at times I take my sweet children for granted. I guess right it is hard for me to see "the plan" in everything. I am feeling a mix of emotion for some friends and guilty that I don't do better.

Work and the Glory

If you have not seen this movie...GO SEE IT! Not only is the story of the Steeds great but the story of our Church is so real. The story of Joseph Smith, it is our history as LDS people. Watching the movie makes it more real. I really recommend going to see it!

We Bought a Cabin!!!

Well actually it is just the frame of a cabin. We will spend the winter finishing it up and then re-sale it in the Spring. It actully is just the Frame, so we get to pick out floor plan and all. Justin and his Brother (Kris)will spend the time fixing it up, most likely every other weekend they will be up working on it. It is exciting, Justin will learn about construction from Kris and get to spend some good one on one time with his brother.

Reasons I love my Dad

He has always been there for me.

I know that he loves me, and respects me.

He calls me every week.

We have a great relationship.

I look forward to talking to him.

I love that my kids adore him.

He is Handome.

He is talented.

He takes pride in his work.

He is dependable.

He made the best out of a bad situation.

He is a good Dad...

He visited us, he would drive 6 hours to watch one of us perform or to be there for our birthday and then drive the 6 hours back home to an empty house.

I knew I could turn to him when Justin and I were having our marrital problems.

He stands up for me.

I love him because he is my Dad and he is the best Dad in the world!

Busy Day

I spent today, all day proofing photos. Woo lots of work, my bum is numb from sitting at the putter all day. But they are done! I finished my neices shoot, a bridal shoot (which I am in love with) and a Senior shoot. I am caught up as of today.

I also got photos ready for my portfolio and I got my website up and running... htt:/elementsphotography.smugbug.com

I am happy with it so far. I honestly takes hours for picture to upload!! I feel alot more professional and I dont have to worry about people "Stealing" their proofs anymore. So I must go and figure out why my house is sooo dirty and get ready for another shoot today. Dang this photography has taken off! Who would have guessed!

I have overdone myself

Super Saturday is this Saturday. I am thinking that offering to do this was just silly of me. Sounded fun at the time! Alot of my stress is this...It is Tuesday night Justin has about 20 Magnet boards to cut out and has he done it??? NOPE! Ok So I will let him do it on his own time. Mean while I just got the money collected and order what needed to be ordered. Hopefully it gets here in time. It is also Evening of Excellence on Sunday so I am trying to get photos taken of my sweet girls that have completed there Young Womenhood. Disneyland is soon approching, We are in the search of a good stroller. Drove to Vegas Last night to find nothing!!! But we got Kase a great new suit, he looks so handsome in it!!!

All of this and try to be super Mom & Super wife. I am AWESOME!!!

Autograph Books

I am seriously having scrap withdrawls. All my stuff is still in a closet, I don't have my new desk done yet. So that means no scraping for a while. I had to get some creativity out of my system so I made the kids little Autography Books for our Disneyland trip. I am soo excited about them. I am sure they will get totally trashed but Kase has been asking everyday, "can I use my Disneyland book yet?" and Macie says "Disneyland today?"

The beauty of Imperfection

This has been on my mind alot since our trip to rexburg, I feel like i need to get it written down.

A huge struggle in my life is the "internal dialog" (Dr. Phil) I tell to my self. It is so hard for me to give myself complaments, It is much easier to believe the negitive. But mostly the "negitive" stuff that I choose to believe is absolutly ridiculous.
"You are a bad Mom because you let Kase watch 1/2hr too much TV today."
"You are a bad Housewife because the tolets haven't been cleaned this week."
"Your a bad wife, sister, friend...whatever it is I can find a fault. Why cant I just say,

Kellie, OH WELL! house is dirty today, you said something stupid at church, macie hair wasn't done today...SO WHAT. Life will go on and all of this crap you keep telling yourself is just that ...crap. Stop beleiving the Lies, you love your kids, you love your hubby, your family, you work hard, you are talented! You are GOOD enough. You need to love yourself, charish yourself. Why is this so hard? I am creating my own little HELL. I can be good enough, good enough for me. This is a new personal goal, I am going to stop telling myself all the junk and replace it with possitive thoughts! Wish me luck!

Another day of Projects

I am in the process of refinishing a dresser for Kase's room, painting his bed and also Macie's bed. I am having a ModBod (www.themodbod.com) Shirt party tomarrow and I want my house to be perfect!!! Well I know that is not possible but I want it to be more finished then is is now.

I am hoping to get to the tutu's I am making my neice Avery and Macie for christmas started today. That might be too much to cram into today. Besides the fact that I am sitting at my putter at the moment! urrr I have got to get cleaning also. Maybe this party is not such a good idea! lol!

The Sectional is HERE!!

Wooohooo! It came four weeks early I was so excited! It feels like I have a home, I have furniture, nice furniture for once in our lives. It is such a great feeling. That might sound stupid, but it has been 5 long years of struggling, hardship, & never having any money. I just need to enjoy this moment. The sectional is just perfect!!!! I will have to post pictures later.

Oh wait Halloween is for the kids??

Yep I almost forgot about my cute little monkeys! I have a feeling every year is going to get more and more exciting . The kids had a great time, we came home with a ton of candy...which is now hidden away.
I thought they were sooo stinkin cute this year! Kase wanted so bad to be Buzz Lightyear so I gave in and bought a costume. (I usually make them) and while I was at it,I decided it would be much easier to buy Macies also. But i did have to sew hers just a bit to take the sides in. I got he cutest wings to match her dress on ebay. I figured i could buy them because i will use them a ton for photog props.. Double Duty!!
I actully liked buying them this year so much easier and i didnt have to sew...which mean I didnt have to get mad , sware and throw my sewing machine across the room. Yes i know, that sounds pathetic but i get it from my Mom. Sewing makes us angry. LOL!

Happy Halloween!

I LOVE Halloween! It is one of my favorite holidays. I dont know why exactly, but i get sooooo excited for it. I usually have ideas for costumes months in advance and the are bought at least a month before. I guess that I just like the dressing up, becoming someone you are not for a day.


Justin was Joe Dirt (white trash)
I was Gothic

Baby Brookelyn is here

WOW! 6 lbs 3 oz ( i think) She is sooooo dang tiny. Born to Clint and Teresa Larsen on the 24th of October at about 3:30! She is beautiful, such a Larsen! It just happened that we were up in rexburg at the same time as her birth so we stopped by on the way home. I got to take pictures of her and it was hillarious, the little stinker wouldn't sleep. She pooped on Clint twice and peed a couple as well, He was not too thrilled about that whole thing. So Teresa nursed her, wrapped her up and nothing. She was sooo alert. Finally after we were done she wrapped her up and that was it she was asleep.

I cant explain the feelings i had holding her. It was soo overwhelming for me. At first i couldn't stop crying. Luckily Teresa was on the phone threw all of my bawling, i honestly couldn't control the tears. The spirt that brand new babies have is so intense. I also had an feeling come to me that she was the closest person to the family we still have waiting for us in heaven. I have no doubt that she knows and assiciated with them. That just touched me. It was nice to be in the presence of such a heavenly being.