errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I am not a fan of the hubster tonight. I am so very pissed off at him. Needless to say we have been arguing, I don't want to get into all the hurtfull things that were said. We are just not getting along. He gets in these mood were he is pissed...now I am not stupid I know people get upset, I know that couples fight, what I dont understand is why he refuses to talk about it. He can piss and moan, call names, hit below the belt and a hour later be fine and what to give me hug. He pretends that nothing is wrong. Is is a bunch of crap! Well yes DEAR I am still mad (the comment about me being a fat pig with not self control is still very fresh in my mind) and NO I do not want to give you a hug! I dont understand it, not at all.

Well , what use to happen after a huge arguement,I usually ended up bawling feeling helpless, worthless, pathetic, and depressed. which would lead me to find something to eat. Usually ice cream or candy, anything that I could shove in my mouth to compinsate for the emptyness that I was feeling. Hence the reason I am now overweight. Well a little while ago I deceided I would stop doing this to myself. I need to turn these negitive feelings into something proactive, get my pathertic butt off the sofa and do something about it.

So I went to the gym for 2 hrs, ahhhhhh it felt great. When I started to get tired I would telling myself all those negitive things justin said and I had more motivation to push myself more. But then I had to come home, back to the feelings of contention. They are so thick sometimes in our house I honestly can feel it. (weird i know) We spent the evening in seperate rooms, which was fine by me, we both needed the space. I woke up and could tell the day was going to be about the same so I cleaned, I cleaned and I cleaned and I cleaned. I rearranged rooms (Kase & Macies) organized toys, scrubbed showers and tubs. You name it was done! Ahhhhhhh! that was another feeling of accomplishment. Justin started in with all his comments and I deceided to go to walmart...Yes is this all on sunday I know I am a sinner!

Well I thought had gotten all the feelings of anger out but as soon as I got to the store they came back with a vengance. I orginally went for food and a couple tupperware boxes and 400 dollars later I was done (we usually only spend 300 a month on groceries). I walked out thinking that will teach him, stupid blankity blank! But immediatly after that came the remorse. and this is where I sit felling just as bad as I did right after our fight, feeling regretfull, hopless,and lonely... agian BUT with sore muscles and a very clean house. Guess you can't have it all :)