First off I would like to say how happy it makes me to see people posting comments! ahhhh! thank you! Seriously I hope I get more comments it totally helps me!
I have alot on my mind today so I am needing to get it all out,
I have been really feeling baby hungry for sometime now. I think about it alot, mostly everyday. Mostly because I am a planner like think about what life will be like years, months weeks down the road. Having another child would can change alot, money, house size, jobs. I guess I just like to be prepard. But also becuase I wondering if having another baby is the best thing for us and our family. I always wanted to be a mom, always wanted to raise kids, I just never understood the stuggles that come with it, exspecially the marital problems. I know there is a child waiting to come to our family. I know it. But I struggle with the rest of it. Being pregnant is awful on me, I can't sugar coat it. I am sick most of the time. I wake up pukin' and i go to sleep pukin', yes that part is awful but I can cope with that. I do not enjoy it at all, but I can deal. What is hard is the way Justin handles it all, he refuses to undersand. He gets tired of dealing with "my crap". That is what I struggle with, plus the added emotions from being pregnant make it so hard to cope. All of that makes me wonder if it is time, am I ready for all of that. Is our relationship any different then it was back then? Right now I dont know. I personally feel ready, but I dont know if WE are ready , and that scares me.
I also had a great talk with a friend this week. Our boys are the same age and very simalar in personalities. I realized something yesterday...ne of the reasons I am soo concerned about Kases behavior is because I want people to love him as much as I love him. I want them to see his wonderful characteristic the way I do. I see how some of my friends' children act and I wondering what they think about Kase. I don't want them to think he is a brat or sassy or anything negitive. I want them to love him like I love. I could be asking too much... only I can love him that way. Only I know his personality. I deal with the screaming and the whining and the mis-behaving, and I love him to peices anyway. I just need to not be so hard on myself about this. Kase has a strong personality, he is on this earth at this time for a reason. I just need to learn how to help him grow. I need to learn how to parent him in the most productive way!
That was the other thing we talked about ...maybe there is more to this parenting thing then I have seen. Maybe the reason that Kase is the way he is because there is a lesson I needed to learn. Maybe it is with control or maybe it is with patience. Maybe he was sent to me was because I needed to learn something from him. Not the other way around. I haven't quite figure the reasoning in all of this but it was alot better way to look at it. It sits better in my heart, maybe because that comment lifted so much guilt from me. It made me tell myself,
I am a good Mom
Which is something I rarely say.
3 comments:
ok, let me just remind you how much Geoff loves kase. Now, let me tell you he HATES kids. he always complains about other people's kids and he even says sometimes that he never wants to have any because of the way they act.
Kase is the only kid that gets Geoff to like kids (he likes Macie too, don't worry) but he loves kase. he tells me that he'll be happy with our kids if they're anything like kase. I try to tell them our kids will be our own and different than ANY kids he's ever met, but he doesn't care, he wants them to be Kase.
I've heard that going from 2 kids to 3 is a HUGE difference. everything after that is cake. I am a planner too, and there is nothing wrong with waiting, as hard as it is, to make sure your ducks are in a row... We had to WORK for that. Money in the bank to pay for it, and counseling to get us some emotional reserves. You know that adding a baby doesn't make things easier and you don't want to wait to bring that spirit down, but that spirit will grow so much better if everything's right. That's my thought, but you know I can only handle 2 kids, so what do I know?
Heather
I just have to laugh, because I always have that same problem with my dh when I'm preggo too! I hope you get everything figured out, and it sounds like you have great friends who are helping you figure it out!
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